More Salt, Please

Made some chili yesterday. This of course means that I need crackers. To be more specific, I needed some Saltines. At the grocery, there were Original, Reduced Salt (why get Saltines and not want all the salt?), Multi Grain and Fat Free.

You know what's missing? Extra Salt Saltines. That's right, I want more salt. I'm healthy. My blood pressure is low. I want more salt baked into my Saltines. But I'm not even given the option. This is crap.

Everyday, we're bombarded with 50% less fat products, extra lean ground beef, and turkey bacon. I think it's part of the weakening of America. You know when America was the strongest? When we ate bacon everyday for breakfast and men died at the age of 60 from heart attacks. We knew that life was short and we had to kick some butt before it was all over.

Now we have fat free Half 'N Half. How the hell do you have fat free cream? That's not even possible. Lets get back to unhealthy foods and some self discipline.  And give me more salt.

Bacon Makes Everything Better

It's true.

You're getting hungry just looking at it.

I think that might be the whole problem with the Middle East. Neither side eats bacon.

 If the two sides could get together and have a major shift in their ideologies that allowed them to eat pork, everybody could get along. They could get together for bacon & eggs every morning and discuss the whole West Bank withdrawal issue. I think it would work.

Chocolate Milk and Lingerie Football

I love milk. Whole milk, 2%, skim... it doesn't matter. When I was in high school, I drank 5 gallons a week by myself. I've had to slow down as I've gotten older (for calories sake) but I still drink it regularly. 

One thing I could never stand was chocolate milk. Don't know why. I think it's just an abomination of something that is so good and pure that it needs no enhancer. It's like taking Jaeger and putting anything else in it to make a "bomb" of some sort. (That's a whole other subject about the pacification of America).  I love milk. I love chocolate. There's just no need for them to be combined.

That brings me to this...chocolate milk is like lingerie football. Football is great at all levels. There's no need for a gimmick (see XFL). Just go out there and have people smash into each other. It's great to play, watch in person or on the TV. But someone got greedy and said, "Hey, lets really throw a wrench into football to bring it down a notch." A sexy notch but still in the downward direction.

I like to see hot, athletic women wear lingerie. I just don't want to see them play football. Keep football and milk pure America. Leave this gimmicky stuff for third world nations.

That is all. Move along people. Nothing to see here.

Big Head, Little Body

Saw a dog yesterday that had the head of a German Shepherd and a little weiner-dog type body. It reminded me of Wayne Arnold, the older brother on The Wonder Years.

Damned SmartPhones

Just got home from the gym (which doesn't happen too often) and was excited about checking my email. Then I remembered that I have a Blackberry and already receive emails away from home. What's the point of coming home? I like my dogs and occassionally get to see my wife there... but really?

I'm old enough to remember life without cell phones. It was beautiful. You could go out and not worry about people bothering you. Sure it was inconvenient for when you wanted to make a call. But that was the beauty of it, you don't need to make most of the calls you do, you just want to. Fifteen years ago, you just didn't make the call.  It's difficult to explain to people who don't know life without cell phones, but coming home to see that red light blinking on your answering machine was exciting. Who called? I don't know (because there' s no caller ID yet). Let's push play and find out. It was like a season-ending cliff hanger episode every time you came home. Bad news? Maybe. Good news? Awesome. Hot chick that you left a message on her machine earlier in the day? Really Awesome!

Then the cell phone came along and took that little joy in life away. Sure, you could just not carry a cell phone and keep nothing but a land line. Yeah right. Might as well move to central Pennsylvania and live with the Amish. 

Now the smartphone has taken away email. I'll over it. And I still have my couch at the house to look forward to.

That's all. Move along people. Nothing to see here.