I'm Not a Medium

When I was growing up, I was the fat kid. I wasn't the fattest kid around, but I was up there. I was the fat kid from Stand By Me, fat.  When I got to high school, I was still fat. I never "grew into" my body. College and beyond... still fat.

 I  have a dark blue Polo shirt I bought in 1991. Its got a lot of holes and only gets worn for crawfish boils. It fits great. If not for all the holes and frayed edges, I would wear it all the time. It's an XXL. In 1991, when I weighed 200 lbs, I was required to get an XXL to fit me. I was a fat guy who occasionally had to shop in the big and tall section (and at 5'10, I'm not tall). I remember in the mid 90s I was able to go back to XL sizes. I knew that it wasn't because I was losing weight, the sizes were changing.

Last week, I was at Academy. I saw an Columbia PFG brand LSU short sleeve polo shirt (the fact that LSU merchandise is sold in Bama country must really piss the rednecks off... but that's another post.) I picked up the purple family-sized tent that was the XL and decided to pass. So I took the L into the dressing room. It was like I was a kid wearing my dad's clothing. So, my wife told me to try the M. I protested that I hadn't worn an adult M since I was a sophomore in high school. After being married for a couple of years now, I realize that it's easier to just go along with what she says than argue.... so I tried it on.

I was shocked, amazed and deeply angered. It was like getting free beer and realizing someone gave you a Coors Light. The damned shirt fit. I don't mean that it got over my body, it fit well. So I bought it. I'm still mad... at America.

You fat sons-of-bitches. Stop eating. Stop going to Golden Corral and waddling out. Take away the motorized buggies at the stores. Make every parking spot at least 1/2 mile from the front door of a business. Lets do whatever it takes to make sure that a person who weighs 210 lbs is not considered "medium."

I'm going for a jog. Be good.